A Short Story About Shoes

Photo: Rhett Allain

This is a story. I’m telling it in the form of a script for a play.

SCENE: A house. Your typical house. It could be your house. It could be my house. The owner is a human. I’m just going to call the owner — OWNER. There is another human, a guest. I’ll call this human GUEST.

DING-DONG.

OWNER: Hello! Welcome to my house. It’s nice to see you. Will you please remove your shoes? We don’t wear shoes in the house here.

GUEST: Hello to you as well. It’s quite a lovely day and I’m excited to visit you.

OWNER: Great. Just don’t forget about the shoes. There is a nice little cubby to the side for your shoes.

GUEST: Did you see that sports game? One of the teams won! It was great fun.

OWNER: Well, yes — I saw that sport ball game. Ummm….shoes? Are you going to take off your shoes?

GUEST: Oh, ha! The shoes. No. I’m not going to take them off. I’m not a sheeple. Taking off shoes is fake. There is nothing good about taking off your shoes. You have been lied to about this stupid no-shoe thing.

OWNER: You do know that it’s raining outside, right? Everything is wet — especially your shoes. Just take them off.

GUEST: Nope. I saw this guy’s house one time and they were wearing shoes INDOORS! What do you say about that?

OWNER: I really don’t see how that applies to this situation. It’s my house and I don’t want your nasty wet shoes walking all over my floors.

GUEST: But my shoes are clean. Do my shoes look dirty? Do they? Nope. If your floor was going to get my shoes dirty, I wouldn’t come in.

OWNER: Wait. You are worried about my floor getting your shoes dirty? Come on. Just take off your shoes. Honestly, I’m tired of asking. Why don’t you just go to someone else’s house?

GUEST: It’s my freedom. I can go into whatever house I want. If you stop me, you will face legal action. On top of that, I have a medical condition that prevents me from taking off my shoes. My doctor told me — but I can’t tell you want my condition is because my privacy.

Look at all these other people in your house without shoes. They look stupid. PUT ON SOME SHOES PEOPLE! Shoes are fine. There is research that says shoes never get things dirty. LOOK IT UP!

Plus, you can’t just decide who gets to come into your house and who doesn’t. That’s discrimination.

OWNER: Don’t you make wedding cakes for a living? Didn’t you claim you could refuse cakes for same sex weddings?

GUEST: Yes. It’s my religious freedom. I shouldn’t have to make a wedding cake for a gay wedding.

THE END.

(This play isn’t really about shoes)

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